Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
