thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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