Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."