She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.