hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me