I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
