After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends