Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.