I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
