i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize