Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.