im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
