I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you never un-have a 4some
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
