woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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