Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
