i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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