I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
