Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
