my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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