am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
