I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
