She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How's work?
Spinning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
