Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
