i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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