At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
