and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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