Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
