sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
