dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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