Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
