pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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