Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.

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  (734): Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics. http://tfl.nu/seve
  Replies (1) Good night (657) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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  (818): i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick http://tfl.nu/avb9
  Replies (4) Good night (450) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

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  (847): Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test http://tfl.nu/tst5
  Replies (13) Good night (2975) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1139) Bad night (4261) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.

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  (630): You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude. http://tfl.nu/zi0k
  Replies (16) Good night (944) Bad night (3941)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

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  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8901) Bad night (1631)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4526) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"

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  (201): He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?" http://tfl.nu/srbv
  Replies (4) Good night (4033) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1220) Bad night (3505) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

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  (914): He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit? http://tfl.nu/zvq6
  Replies (9) Good night (2500) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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  (248): Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom http://tfl.nu/u2bm
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last

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  (410): i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last http://tfl.nu/j9db
  Replies (21) Good night (624) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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  (443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g
  Replies (7) Good night (790) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.

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  (316): Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/0ujo
  Replies (23) Good night (417) Bad night (1546) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.

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  (202): i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy. http://tfl.nu/piez
  Replies (6) Good night (648) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt

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