Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
