hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.