My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
