4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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