the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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