Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
