I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
