exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
