apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
