i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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