What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
