I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
