I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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