all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
