just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
