3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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