I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
