I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
