I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
