nut hugger
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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