You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
