I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
