I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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