please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
