Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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