i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
