I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
