i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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