And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
