you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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