I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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