The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
