Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
