i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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