the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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