his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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