Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
