forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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