we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
