he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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