When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
