My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
