I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
