Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
