i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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