He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home