I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!