Jerry, you need to find god
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
