Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.