Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
