Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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