I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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