umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
