I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
