Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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