I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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