keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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