worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
