I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My cat gives me a boner
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
