actually, I'm a sock model
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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