OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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