he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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