ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm always down for nudity.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
